Last week we at the office resolved to come up with Chinese New Year’s resolutions for each other. That’s because the ones we made on the first day of January have either already been forgotten or transformed into a silly convenient compromise. John went back to having two-martini lunches and Gloria gave in and smoked cigarettes after nine days of having withdrawn from her red Marlboros. Now, with Chinese New Year upon us, we are attempting to become more serious with our proposed personal reforms. We are attempting to become more accountable to each other.
Here is a continuation of the list from last week’s Chinese New Year resolutions at the office.
Jenny, art director: Art director? Is Jenny really an art director? She doesn’t look it, and she certainly doesn’t have a desktop design to prove it. Jenny’s fashion style seems to be on Valium, or some other kind of powerful tranquilizer, as she shows up at the office in the plainest, most uninteresting clothes; we like to say behind her back that her wardrobe puts us all on an even keel in which creativity is not possible. And then Jenny will turn on her desktop computer and voila! What do we have but a plain, old, tired wallpaper: a picture of David Beckham. Which is so late 90s. Her Chinese New Year’s resolution? Wear her art, or at least apply it as her wallpaper. Or just download one of those free trendy wallpapers to transform bland and insipid into bright and inspired.
Alma, public relations assistant: Alma publicizes everything except her delicious home-cooked meals, which she brings to the office and teases our gastronomic sensibilities senseless. But a few details leak anyway. She strolls along the office halls and we smell a whiff of the chicken curry, or see the crumbs of her vegetarian pizza baked only yesterday. We wonder when she might share a few of her gourmet recipes. Her resolution. Share the wealth – or at least the secrets to the wealth. We promise to provide her with ready-made recipe cards.
Homer, media manager: Yes, the Homer with a handlebar moustache who keeps forgetting things. Like deadlines. Like placement schedules. Like budgets allocated for billboard space or TV airtime. We don’t know if he should be prescribed memory capsules, but at the very least we here at the office are thinking something along the lines of online reminders, the ones that deliver important notes to your desktop. Yes, it’s an all-in-one service/ software: a birthday reminder, appointment reminder, and E-mail reminder all rolled into a neat, cleverly designed online calendar that will be onto Homer like the alumni office of anyone’s alma mater.
Alexander, partner: Edgy. Overcaffeinated. Stressed. Can’t enjoy life outside of work. Barks at the most minor shortcomings. That’s what Alexander is, aside from being one of the firm’s partners. We ought to give him one of those photo gifts, a photo paperweight, to reassure him that when he spends a weekend outside his office, business will still be kept in place. And if those office memos and reprimands remain on his desk, we’d be happy, too.
Tags: Chinese New Year, free wallpapers, Holiday Gifts, New Year’s resolutions, online calendars, online reminders, photo gifts, photo paperweights, recipe cards, trendy wallpapers
